Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he was CRYING into my vagina
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
