i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You took a bar mat shot.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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