Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
