i barfeds in our rink
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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