I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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