i was born a porn star she said
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
