On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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