I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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