Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Small penises have feelings too.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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