so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Randomize
