Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
