Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
