Nicole vs. Life
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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