There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize