i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
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he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
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You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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