so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
it glows. i had to have it.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
