My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
