Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
