We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I will pee on everything he values.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
