I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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