i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize