i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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