Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?