OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
These 19 Sad People Chose Video Games Over Sex
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth