I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad