she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
