i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
