It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
