So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Are my feet made of real feet?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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