hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you win again, gameday.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
