I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
