My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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