There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
