you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
