if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
