im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
