Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
