Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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