dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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