So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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