I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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