She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Randomize
