I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
