I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
