so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So much rum. So many feels.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
