So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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