You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
