I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
