I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
