I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
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