I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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