i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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