woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
