If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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