if i can run in heels then i can drive
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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