my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
