Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
