I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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