so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We left an ass print on the piano.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
