apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
