I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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