i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
