the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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