my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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