Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
