i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
