In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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