Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
