I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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