haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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