so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
