I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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