wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
