Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
