he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
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