I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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