Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
