neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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