Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
