It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
