I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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