i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
