I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
