Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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