There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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