Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
