Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
