if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
