she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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