2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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