I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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