It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
